Thoughts and happenings from a life on Malta

As children, most of us must have owned a piggy bank and, when we grew older, we discovered the more business-like expression "cash cow". Now, with great pleasure, I announce Malta's contribution to the world of finance - the "money bus".

If every miser's dream is to see money literally flying all over the place, then I recommend a journey on EBY 584. During a 10-minute ride, euro coins were being flung all over, and out of, the ramshackle bone-shaker that is licensed as a public transport vehicle.

The cause of this unexpected munificence? The reverberating complaint by a British tourist to an inspector about having been shortchanged €1. This tourist was in high dudgeon because he claimed the same had happened the previous day on another bus.

The preamble took the form of a shouting exchange down the gangway, with the driver asking the tourist to approach him so that he could verify the change. Without even bothering to go through the handful of coins spread on the outstretched palm, he proclaimed that €1 was a pittance and scornfully offered it to the passenger. Not to be outdone, the latter then counterclaimed that he was not interested in the money but had simply had enough of being taken advantage of.

To prove the worth of his words, the driver flung one euro in the direction of the litigant; with questionable aim, I must add. Faced with this challenge, the passenger had no option but to also back up his earlier claim by throwing the handful of coins out of the door (from where I was seated, I was unable to determine the denominations involved). Boasting a more accurate aim, or possibly because he was standing, he achieved a better result, with most of the metal raining down on the pavement while a couple of coins remained stranded on the bus, rolling disconsolately to their final resting place.

All the while, countless pairs of eyes watched the drama and this flurry of flying money - curious eyes, greedy eyes, apprehensive eyes, entertained eyes. Yet, even though the majority were aware of the precise landing spots of these vagabond euros, no one ventured to pocket any of the orphaned ones.

Misers begone, money in Malta no problem!

My transport until last week was this:

X9 Evolution

However, while driving home after a day's work, the temperature gauge shot up to the red zone and the bike sputtered to a halt. Almost 7 years to the day since driving it out of the Piaggio showroom in Valley Road, I experienced the bike's first breakdown. Fortunately it wasn't anything serious - the water pump broke - but unfortunately the part wasn't in stock and as my mechanic succinctly put it, "You can come for the bike next year"! With the freeze in northern Italy delaying the part's arrival in Malta, I was forced into an extended and premature variation of that rare occurrence known as car-free day. True, I could have easily hired another bike - or car, even - but for the heck of it, I decided to try this alternative:

7-Day Bus Ticket

For the petrol heads amongst you, the idea of buying a 7-day bus ticket and committing myself to using it might seem more like a ticket to have me committed to a home for the mentally unstable. After all, the notoriety of the public transport service reaches far beyond our shores, so why this personal sacrifice? Had I confused Advent with Lent?

Admittedly I thought about hiring a car but after two decades of being on two wheels, the idea of temporarily graduating to four wasn't that appealing. I could have rented another bike but ... I just wanted to see if I would survive the bus service.

One week on I can report that I've come through unscathed! No, seriously. I got to where I had to go and did what I had to do by fine-tuning my personal schedule to fit in with that of the busses. In the meantime, I was able to listen to countless tracks on my MP3 player; music which I either hadn't yet heard or that I still needed to rate.

So come tomorrow, I'll invest another €13.98.